Twas the night before Christmas and all through the land
There were plenty of victims who’d die by my hand
I had sharpened my knives with such great care
I pulled up my hood and tucked back my hair
My victims were nestled all snug in their beds
Just waiting for me to come and bash in their heads
With the mother in her jammies and the hubby in his drawers
I entered their room then crept on all fours
When all of the sudden there arose such a clatter
I slashed through them both and watched the blood splatter
Away to the window I threw open the curtain
There’s no way I’d be caught, of that I was certain
When, what to my evil eyes should appear
Fuck it’s the cops, gotta get out of here
It was a fat old cop, gun drawn and ready
He took aim at the window, slow and steady
Faster than a gazelle, I leapt out of the way
This couldn’t be the end to my perfect day
He cried out “Put your hands up and come on outside
There’s nowhere to run and nowhere to hide”
Out through the door I sprinted down the hall
“Holy shit” I thought “That was a close call”
I ran down the stairs and escaped through the back
Went ‘round to the front and launched an attack
I smacked the cop in the face and made him squeal
A quick stab to the gut had sealed the deal
He fell to his knees then cried out in pain
With a twisted grin on my face I stabbed him again
He writhed and moaned like a two dollar whore
I wasn’t done yet, there was lots more in store
Cradling his head in my hand I gouged out his eyes
Then a noise from the roof caught me by surprise
As I looked to the sky a strange vision appeared
A man dressed in black with a scraggly old beard
He was at least 7 feet tall with a sinister sneer
And a big fat gut, hands clutching on to a beer
He looked down at me and said with a sly grin
“Go ahead my child unleash the evil within”
I grasped the blade firmly then jabbed into the cop
I had come this far, there’s no reason to stop
The surge of adrenaline flowed through my veins
Slammed the cop to the ground and stomped out his brains
This fight was over but I still wasn’t done
I had more houses to visit, man this shit’s fun
Peering up to the rooftop at my new friend
Asked him loudly “Do you have a message to send?”
He looked down from the roof and in a calm soothing voice
“You’ll do just fine my son, you’ve made the right choice”
I stood there in awe, at the dark vision before me
Stared at the carnage hmm, I had to agree
With a wink of his eye and a twist of his head
I knew then and there I had nothing to dread
He spoke no more words but his actions were loud
He lifted his arms up then ascended into the clouds
As I stepped from the street and onto the grass
I heard him exclaim..
“MERRY CHRISTMAS YOU FUCKS, YOU CAN ALL KISS MY ASS”
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